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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28194330">I'll be home at last</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas/pseuds/Finduilas'>Finduilas</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, M/M, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV) Trailers, Vulnerability</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:35:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,789</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28194330</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas/pseuds/Finduilas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It doesn’t annoy Bucky at first, until it does. <i>Cyborg. Robocop. Hybrid. Tinman.</i> Some more names that Bucky doesn’t really get but is sure are pop culture references. </p>
<p>It’s all said in jest, accompanied by that ridiculous smirk of his, which makes it really hard for Bucky to be mad because he actually kind of loves that smirk.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>379</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'll be home at last</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>THAT TRAILER, AMIRIGHT? ;) </p>
<p>Thank you to Gemma for the beta!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It doesn’t annoy Bucky at first, because it’s just a joke and that’s how Sam is. Bucky knows that taking up the shield is a big deal and Sam thinks that maybe he doesn’t deserve it (even though there’s nobody Bucky can think of that deserves taking over from Steve more) and so acting like things don’t get to him that much is just Sam’s way of handling things. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Sam jokes about everything. He jokes that he doesn’t need to inherit Steve’s sidekick along with the shield and Bucky deadpans that the job of Captain America comes with Bucky attached at the hip because it’s easier than saying that Bucky was a bit lost and Sam was the one thing that felt safe and right somehow. There’s a lot of things Sam and Bucky brush over, but it’s fine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It doesn’t annoy Bucky at first, until it does. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Cyborg. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Robocop. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hybrid. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Tinman. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Some more names that Bucky doesn’t really get but is sure are pop culture references. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s all said in jest, accompanied by that ridiculous smirk of his, which makes it really hard for Bucky to be mad because he actually kind of loves that smirk. But it all boils down to the same thing: that Bucky’s some sort of machine. That Bucky’s not entirely human. Or not entirely whole. Maybe the words don’t annoy Bucky so much as hurt him. But then again, it’s easier to think of Sam as annoying than of being capable of hurting Bucky with the way Sam sees him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So whenever Sam jokes like that, Bucky just brushes it off. Gives Sam that icy stare he knows he’s good at and amuses Sam. Or mumbles something about hating him. Sam always keeps smiling though, so Sam is aware Bucky doesn’t mean it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Until they’re debriefing after a mission - they got their objective and they all made it out safely. Job well done - and Sam makes a comment on how it would have gone easier if one of them could speak Hindi. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sure there are evening classes you can go to,” Bucky mutters as he leans back in his chair, arm stretched out on the table next to him. His fingers are tapping steadily on the glass surface. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can’t you just like…” Sam says with a smirk, whirling his hands around his head, “... have that programmed into that cyborg brain of yours or something?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Someone in the room chuckles at the joke but Bucky can’t tell who because the words feel like a bucket of ice cold water thrown over him. “Don’t do that.” The words leave Bucky’s mouth before he can stop them, even though they’re a barely audible mutter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Sam frowns, but the corner of his mouth is still curled upward. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky doesn’t answer, just pushes himself out of his chair - the debriefing is done anyway - and clenches his jaw so hard it hurts. There’s a chill that runs down his spine as he gets up, a distant memory of Bucky in a chair, a mouthguard pushed between his teeth, and he doesn’t hear Sam calling after him as walks out the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky’s apartment is minimalist but cozy and familiar. It’s starting to feel like home, which is something Bucky hasn’t had for a very long time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He drops his duffel bag to the floor as he walks in and goes straight for the bathroom, peeling off clothes as he goes. The warm water of the shower feels good on his skin, it almost washes away the uncomfortable feeling of having walked out on the debriefing, on Sam. He rubs shampoo in his hair, not used to it being so short now, so easy to manage. Maybe he’ll grow it again. Sometimes he misses the long strands, the way he can pull it back in a bun, the way he can hide behind it when it’s loose. He thought he would be getting rid of the Winter Soldier by cutting it but his hair doesn’t define him. He is getting rid of the Winter Soldier by being the man he is. It’s a hard lesson, but Bucky thinks he’s starting to learn. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After the shower Bucky dries off and puts on a pair of loose sweatpants and a hoodie, not bothering with a shirt or boxer shorts. He’s not planning on going out again tonight anyway. He’s thinking about what would be the easiest and quickest way to get dinner on the table - or his lap in front of the television - when there’s a knock on the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky sighs. He knows who it is, and for a brief second his brain is contemplating pretending he’s not home but his feet are already making their way towards the door of their own volition, traitorous as they are. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Bucky opens the door, Sam is holding up two pizza boxes and a smile. “So I hear a hungry Barnes is a cranky Barnes,” he says, and Bucky takes a step to the side to let Sam in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?” Bucky asks, closing the door behind them, “Who told you that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think I read it somewhere in a how-to guide of dealing with centennial supersoldiers,” Sam says, making his way towards the living room like he owns the place. Bucky doesn’t mind. “You’d think there wouldn’t be a market for it, but I keep them in business all on my own.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky huffs out a laugh as he drops himself down on the couch. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam opens the first box as he sets it down on the coffee table in front of Bucky. “Gotta feed the machine to keep the gears running, right?” Sam winks and Bucky’s heart sinks. He suddenly loses his appetite despite Sam having picked his favorite kind of pizza topping. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not a machine,” Bucky bites out, his stomach clenching along with his metal fist. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He can see Sam’s smile fall and almost feels guilty about it, but the implication of Bucky being anything but human is eating away at him. To think that Sam would see him as some kind of... abomination. It makes his blood run cold. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whoa, what - ?” Sam starts, wide eyed. The smile is long gone, making way for confusion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not hungry,” Bucky says as he pushes himself off the couch. He’s not sure where he can run to but he doesn’t get very far anyway because Sam’s hand closes around his wrist. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Barnes,” Sam says, deflated, searching Bucky’s eyes. Bucky doesn’t answer. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Bucky?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not - ” Bucky says, skillfully avoiding Sam’s eyes. He swallows. “I’m human.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course you’re - ” Sam starts, then cuts himself off with something that sounds a little like a gasp. “Oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Bucky, I didn’t mea - ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s fine,” Bucky says, shrugging off Sam’s hand, feeling ridiculously exposed. He ducks his head a little bit, but there’s nowhere to hide behind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I don’t think it is,” Sam says, his tone serious all of a sudden, not really what Bucky’s used to. “Look, can we…?” He motions towards the couch, inviting Bucky to sit down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky goes willingly, wrapping his arms around his chest as he shoves one foot underneath himself. Sam carefully sits down next to him, and Bucky would think he was a bit scared if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s turning his body towards Bucky. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know I’m just joking when I say stuff like that, right?” Sam frowns, like he’s not quite sure he’s figured out what the problem is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, you’re always joking,” Bucky mutters, his fingers flexing on his knee. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, I’m sorry,” Sam says and he’s definitely not joking now, his eyebrows creased and his eyes filled with worry as he looks at Bucky. “I make stupid jokes, I didn’t think they’d - I guess I just didn’t think.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky shrugs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But it’s not sitting too well with you, is it?” Sam asks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another shrug. “I know that…” Bucky tries to steady his voice as he stares down at his arm. It’s not even the arm that bothers him the most but it’s the only thing that’s visible, like a giant advertisement to show to the world all the things that have happened to him. All the ways he’s not entirely like everyone else. “With everything they did, I know I’m not exactly… normal. But - ” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, fuck, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Sam shakes his head, exhaling sharply, “I didn’t know you were struggling with that, man. I wouldn’t have said all those shitty things.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just,” Bucky says, his chest tight, his voice clipped, “I’m not - I. I’m still me, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam draws a shaky breath, Bucky can hear it and it makes Bucky finally look over and face him. His lips are slightly parted, his eyes dark and filled with something gentle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course you are,” Sam whispers, “This is all on me, Buck. You’re just so tough and Mister Stoic Dude all the time, I just wanna, I don’t know… lighten the mood. Make you laugh. I guess I went about it the wrong way. I mean, </span>
  <em>
    <span>clearly</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The thought of Sam wanting to make Bucky laugh makes something unclench in his chest. Sam so often makes him laugh, is the source of so much happiness for Bucky. He just never considered the fact that maybe that was what Sam was aiming for. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe I just don’t have a sense of humor?” Bucky says, trying out a tentative smile as he glances at Sam. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He is rewarded by a soft smile in return. “Maybe I’m just a giant ass that had no idea this was a sensitive subject for you?” Sam tries. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, you do have a giant ass,” Bucky can’t help himself but say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Sam calls out, a gapped tooth grin flashing at Bucky. “Now you’re gonna be Mister Funny Man? I do them squats, baby.” He winks at Bucky, and Bucky ducks his head as he feels his face heat up a little. “But hey…” Sam reaches out and puts his hand on Bucky’s knee reassuringly. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> sorry, man. I should have known.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like you don’t have enough on your plate already to worry about,” Bucky says, aiming for nonchalance.   </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That doesn’t matter,” Sam answers, “I mean, we’re a team, right? You and I?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s not like Bucky didn’t know they were, but hearing Sam say it still feels good. Like an always appreciated confirmation that neither one of them is a replacement for Steve. That they are their own little unit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just…” Bucky trails off. He’s not in the habit of saying these things out loud. But then Sam tilts his head a little bit, looking at Bucky with his undivided attention, and the warm hand on Bucky’s knee squeezing is encouragement to go on. So he takes a deep breath - somewhat shuddering - and goes on. “They did a lot of things to my brain,” he says softly, “They erased my personality, molded me into something I never wanted to be.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He knows that Sam knows all of this, but he’s never actually said those words out loud. It makes him feel exposed, like somehow he’s being opened up again to put everything on display. Only this time he has allowed it, it’s not happening against his will, because Sam can be trusted. Sam will keep it safe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What they did in Wakanda, it was incredible,” Bucky continues, “But I’m not the same person I was before. Before the brainwashing, before the fall, before the experimenting. I know I wouldn’t have been anyway. Life changes you, no matter what. War certainly does.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam lets out a tiny humorless snort. He would know all about that as well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But now, I’m not their tool anymore, their </span>
  <em>
    <span>Asset</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m me, not… not something other people can control.” Bucky can see Sam swallow, can see the understanding sink in. “But it’s still a scary thought, that…” Bucky shakes his head, “That if things go really wrong, I could be forced down again and they could do that all over again and I’ll lose myself - ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That is never gonna happen, man,” Sam says, his voice fierce and determined, despite its softness. “Never.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m - ” </span>
  <em>
    <span>A good person</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Bucky wants to say but the words don’t make it past his lips. They feel ridiculous all of a sudden, even though it’s all he ever wants to believe about himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not gonna happen for two reasons, Bucky,” Sam says, and Bucky wonders how on earth Sam can convey so much belief in his voice. “One is because I’m not gonna let it happen. And neither are the others, not even Steve. He’ll wheel himself out of his retirement home at a thousand years old to protect you if he has to - ” They can’t help but both smile softly. “ - but he’ll have a tough time beating me, because I will come for you each and every time and I will make sure that never happens to you again.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky’s eyes are stinging, unshed tears threatening to spill and yet he can’t look away from Sam’s face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And the second reason is that you’re not gonna let it happen,” Sam says, and Bucky wants to argue that he let it happen once, before Sam goes on. “You’re right, you’re probably not the same person. After everything you’ve been through, it would be impossible. You seem to think it made you weaker but Bucky, it has made you the strongest man I’ve ever met. And I don’t mean physically, and I certainly don’t mean like a machine or something. I’m really sorry about that. Do you - do you have any idea how impressed I am that you made it through all that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shakes his head, more to himself than anyone else before he regards Bucky again with soft eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You might not be the same person as before, but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>like</span>
  </em>
  <span> the person you are now,” Sam goes on and Bucky can feel his heart beating in his throat. “You should be so proud of yourself for all you’ve done, for all you’ve accomplished. For claiming your own identity back, for… </span>
  <em>
    <span>God</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I don’t know, getting out of bed every damn day after all the torture you’ve been through. I’m not sure anyone else would, or could. And even if you’re not proud of yourself, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> proud of you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s a beat of silence as Bucky lets it all sink in, tears stinging in his eyes. He’d wipe them away, try to hide them, but he thinks maybe he really doesn’t need to hide anything anymore from Sam, which is a mind boggling thought in itself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky clears his throat, tries to get past the lump that seems to have taken place there and when he finally speaks he’s not even sure what he meant to say. “But you’re always teasing me?” is what comes out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Man, that’s how I flirt,” Sam says spontaneously, a smile erupting on his face, “I thought you got that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You - ” Bucky stammers, trying very hard not to choke on his own spit, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His ears are ringing and his chest is constricting and Bucky thinks he might need to sit down despite the fact that he is already sitting, but Sam is looking at him with a cheeky smile on his face and warmth in his eyes and did he really just say…? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just trying to get your attention, Buck,” Sam says, and Bucky thinks that maybe he detects a slight blush on Sam’s cheeks but it’s nothing compared to the way his own face is heating up, he is sure. “I mean, I thought that was this thing we were doing. That you knew - ” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He cuts himself off all of a sudden, the smile disappearing from his face in an instant as Bucky realizes he’s still gaping at Sam with parted lips and shock in his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit, I - ” Sam starts saying, a little embarrassed, but Bucky cuts him off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you mean it?” Bucky blurts out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The flirting. Do you mean it?” Bucky asks, his chest tightening as he tries to read the answer on Sam’s face, bracing himself. “Or is it just… I don’t know, something you do with everyone?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The smile on Sam’s face blooms again slowly. “Nobody else,” he says, locking eyes with Bucky. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something unfurls in the depth of Bucky’s chest, spreading a warmth that overtakes all the fear and the doubt he was struggling with. Sam’s smile is open and inviting, pulling Bucky in. Bucky doesn’t resist anymore, just lets himself lean forward and into Sam’s touch. Lips meet, careful and tender, but filled with promise. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They probably have a lot more to talk about, but for now this is all Bucky needs. He is home. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Fin </span>
</p>
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